Working alone, with nodistractions, I was making pretty good progress. I stopped mid-day toeat. As I was eating lunch, my doorbell rang. Thankfully I was wearingmale clothing, at least on the outside. There was no way I could do thistype of work in a dress.When I opened the door, my real estate agent, Janine, was standing there.She had a file folder in her hand.Smiling broadly, she greeted me, "Hi Dan! Packing already? That'sgreat! Can you believe how well this worked out? I've never had a houseclose so fast!" Yeah!" I agreed. "It's amazing! It is a relief to be getting it behindme. What's up?"Handing me the file, she said, "I made you copies of everything. And Iwanted to give you the name of the move and store guy I was telling youabout. You should probably call right away to make sure that they areable to take care of you. Be sure to tell them I referred you. I sendthem lots of business." Thanks Janine," I replied. "I guess there's a reason you're one of thetop. I almost feel like I'm training my body to do what I want, instead of always being at the mercy of what it wants. When I allow someone to control me, they might feel like they are doing something to me, but the whole time I'm training my body to do what I want it to. It has taken a long time, but I have learned to control my body now, not the other way around." That make sense, in a crazy way. I've never thought about it like that." I just want you to know, whatever happens, that I have more things to work through. I can't have a normal job, just be someone's girlfriend, not with all I still feel. That man who raped me broke something inside me, Peter. My instant reaction to arousal is rage. It has taken me a long time to push through that feeling, to stop being so angry at my own body and the person I'm attracted to. I wouldn't bring this up at all, but tonight got me so spun up. You were kind enough to let me stay with you, I didn't want you to misunderstand." Damn. I have to tell.
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